cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my sisters under your porch take her home
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
