Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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