Just fell off a train. Bad.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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