Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
