you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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