You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
