yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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