A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
