nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
