So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
