yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
