suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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