So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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