PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
