Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am spending my child support on dildos
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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