She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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