I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
