It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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