so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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