how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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