I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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