im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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