My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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