I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
