I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My feet surprised me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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