Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think your dad took our porno
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
