walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
