i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
