Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
