I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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