i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Alive.
So much puke
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
