Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
