we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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