I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
