Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
