you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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