my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
