oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
