yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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