Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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