toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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