tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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