i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
