brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
