If that was your dad, he is hot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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