Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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