You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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