The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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