What did we do last night that was yellow?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
