I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
