Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The Olympian is in my bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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