Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
