U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
