I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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