He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
