Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
