At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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