His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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