I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
