I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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