I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize