i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
false alarm, still single
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
