On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
