get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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