Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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