Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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