i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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