Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize