I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
